Those are the three things I am writing three different papers on
This is my favorite album to listen to when I'm doing work!
I have to keep headphones on anyway so I dont hear the birds outside.
I get a Niacin flush everrrry time I take a sip of 5 hour energy and i love it.
Im actually listening to Laura Stevenson now.
I don't actually have anything to say anymore. I wish i had some food network shows on demand. or any shows on demand. or the time to stay in my own room and watch tv alone.
its not fair that some kids get aderall. I guess I could as well.
Ill probably be done with this semester next sunday or two mondays from now but i cant even grasp summer. I stilll dont know what I'm doing because internships haven't made there decisions yet blah blah blah. I have about a million less than desirable situations to decide between and I don't feel like deciding during finals.
usually its me keeping other people awake throwing balls into cups and drinking on an empty stomach on school nights but tonight i'm on the receiving end of that. and i don't even have to be here, its not my house. but i HATE being at my house and i feel lame going to my mom's house even though I think she needs me to. she's really lonely.
I hope she's happier than I'm about to make her sound but my mom goes to work at the unemployment office all day like she always has except now its busier and she has to turn down more people who really need the money. And then she lives alone and usually watches tv all night but still refuses to get cable even though my dad stops by and tells her he'd actually save money if they got cable because he's paying ten dollars more a month for fios. Unfortunately for her, I don't like being at any house. At night I just shuffle myself from place to place until i fall asleep..
And now I can't get out of bed. ever.
so tonight sucked. it was TERRIBLE. anyways
even though i missed some parties with my favorite people at home, its really nice to be alone walking around a new city. i feel pretty comfortable in boston because ive spent enough time here and its not very big. yesterday was great, we went to the garment district and i was very successful. i also went to north station and took the commuter rail out to lowell to see my cousin jake and his wife and baby and i didnt look like a tourist doing it.
tonight however, i walked 25 minutes alone, a little bit lost late at night unable to find anyone who would answer their phone and talk to me while i walked
so i haven't really said much in a long time. last semester was really busy with the election. obviously i am very happy with our current presidential situation but after the election was over i had to come to terms with a few things.
first, a great history-making president can bring financial hope to millions but if you were depressed about your personal life before he won, you will probably still feel the same way afterwards.
also, my self-worth and my level of self-confidence has drastically changed. as well as my confidence in my friends and my constant level of anxiety. for a few months after october i had trouble getting very drunk. as soon as i thought i was getting close to pretty drunk i would immediately try to drink water or go home so i could be safe alone. thats changed and i now tend to get extremely drunk and out of control (i haven't been thrown out of anybodys house or thrown any couches though./)
anyways, now the best thing that can happen to me is to feel like somebody genuinely enjoys my friendship and company.
ugggh i feel sick ill finish this later
I had plans for my return to lj for weeks but now im drunk and upset and bored and don't feel like listening to anybodys orders or rules including my own.
School sucks. like when i have work due or im too anxious or tired or sick to do any reading the night before. but usually, some little things make class ok.
like today, i told my biblical history professor i thought the parthenon in nashville was tacky and he thought that was hilarious. This is the third time in three classes he has spoken to me directly and i thinkim secretly becoming the fake jewish granddaughter he never had.
most importantly, today i was sitting on a bench listening to music in the key building when all of a sudden a dr. pepper bottle was thrust into my lap. I looked up and some old white professor was asking "will you drink this?" Ireplied yes and thank you even though I will not and i keep referring to it as root beer.
The great part about this soda is that i lost the cap to the water bottle i had been using for weeks today and desperately needed a new free plastic bottle.
Im actually listening to the blessed union of souls now. remember them? she likes me for meeeeeeee
Doesn't my life sound boring?
Maybe ill post my happy reaction to scrambles tomorrow.
Angry Iraqi throws shoes at Bush in Baghdad
McCain won't say he'd back Palin for president
'Suspicious' fire burns Palin's church in Alaskas
man, theres a lot of stuff out there on the internet
time got away from me last night so fast but its really moving slowly today which is nice!
i got almost a perfect score on my italian quizzino i took the other day, got extra credit for going to class today, and we watched pinocchio with roberto benigni in it. My italian teacher also shrieked something positive about me that i didnt really hear but included the word "premio" which i guess means some sort of award.
i bought more vitamins last night because im tryin real hard not to catch bronchitis this time. last time i didnt need antibiotics it was getting better, i even participated normally in the rest of beach week even if it meant crying every time i did a shot. but it was also a little miserable and i dont want bronchitis during my trip down south me and jason and immi are taking next week (graceland here we come!).
anyways so to recap emily has bronchitis + shes my roomate + i no longer have health insurance= i bought more gummi vitamins last night. i got the real brand instead of teh cvs brand which is nice because they have like 7 flavors so only 1/7 of the gummis are cherry which i wont eat comparet to cvs's comparable product with has only 3 flavors so 1/3 of the bottle went unused. However downfall of having so many flavors is that their color variation does not match the flavor variation. Thus although 6/7 of the gummis are not cherry, only 5/7 are not red because the cherry gummis and fruit punch gummis are indistinguishable from each other.
i killed a fly today in my classics discussion thinking it might make me feel better (you know a little control) but it didnt make me feel better. It also took me to hits to finish it off so I was already feeling the guilt by the second smash.
my life is made up of two things: unecessary problems caused by me and unecessary problems caused by other people.
Unecessary things I didnt need to happen today as I try to write two papers at once:
1. an stomachache that hasnt gone away all day but has managed to change its manner of hurting to mix things up a little.
2. bad hair day
3. my carabeaner broke
4. the "Hi its mom, the health insurance company called to say they cancelled your health insurance. we will see if we can do anything about it." call
5. this paper cut on my pinky
6. My roomate who decided to shout out in exclamation everything that was happening on lost while I was doing work in another room anticipating watching lost online tommorow.
7. the frat boys who set off fireworks near me when i walked home from CVS at 1:30 in the morning
8. another bad grade posted from my TA in a class that should be easy.*
9. TWO PAPERS DUE THE LAST DAY BEFORE BREAK
*this one is actually whats bothering me the most. im gonna get a bad grade in a class that should be easy. the only thing i feel that i have going for me in life are my grades, thus i feel worthless.
ugh i dont feel like doing anything ever. ever.
im so drunk (not very but so much that) i cannot navigaet the menu for JASON GOES TO HELL:THE FINAL FRIDAY which is a great emovie and despite what many friday fans insist, is one of the, if not the, ok THE best of hte later friday movies. it gives good homage to the early ones. including crystal lake murders. sean cunningham isnt trying to modernize jason (jason takes manhattan) or trying to reapeat the originnals. he doesnt wanna make a movie only taking place at crystal lake but he develops a great story nearby crystal lake. he doesn try to be too different or toos miliar to eralier ones and tis great
anyways i cnat navigate he menu
i havent been able to sleep well for the past 3 or 4 weeks. like not much past 5 hours at the most. monica's "the boy is mine" album used to help me fall asleep when i was ten im hoping for that to work tonight. usually i listen to o pioneers!!! but even that hasnt been working recently.
Actually, ive never slept well the night after the state of the union address for as long as i can remember. My mom told me when I was really little that they have to hide one government official in case we are bombed. its the best night to bomb dc because it is the only night every member of the government is in one room. She also told me an atomic bomb on dc would take us out as well and as a result i can never sleep on this night.